


until the blaze of their lips burns the lover's hand

by carrieevew



Series: Bellarke Bingo [4]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bellarke Bingo, F/M, Strangers to Lovers, Tattoo Artist Clarke Griffin, Teacher Bellamy Blake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24917344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carrieevew/pseuds/carrieevew
Summary: for months now, Clarke's been having this nice and easy arrangement with Bellamy where they don't ask too many questions and just enjoy each other; when she finally realises that she sorta wants something more with him, she ends up with more than she bargained for.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Clarke Griffin & Madi
Series: Bellarke Bingo [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1417291
Comments: 28
Kudos: 232
Collections: Bellarke Bingo





	until the blaze of their lips burns the lover's hand

**Author's Note:**

> [Bellarke Bingo](https://bellarkebingo.tumblr.com/) fill no. 4! i have two more in the works so be on the lookout for that but for now, enjoy this little fluff and angst!
> 
> title from [Psalm z tańcowaniem](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFTbHg8g3VY) by Joanna Słowińska & Piotr Rubik.

The buzzing of Clarke’s tattoo gun drowned out the vibrations of her phone but her smart watch lit up and she glanced at the display, smiling at the text notification.

_Same time, same place?_ , it said. Clarke let out a happy huff but then rolled her eyes when her client smirked at her knowingly.

“Oh, shut up,” she shot back at Nyko, who kept smirking and drummed his fingers on the arm rest. He hissed when Clarke brought the tattoo gun back to his arm.

She rolled her eyes. “Fine, yes, I’m kinda seeing someone,” she confirmed with a small scowl. Nyko chuckled. “Ugh, you come here way too often, man, Murphy and Emori are making you too invested in my personal life.”

Clarke drew more ink and Nyko settled more comfortably in the chair. “What can I say, being a paramedic is a stressful job, I need this dose of melodrama to unwind.”

Clarke deflated and shot a glance at the reception desk where her business partner sat, head buried in her phone, undoubtedly texting her boyfriend. She huffed again, shook her head and went back to work, ignoring how Nyko kept smiling at her with a way too satisfied smile.

Hours later, after Murphy literally swiped Emori off of her feet and carried her over his shoulder to his car, and Clarke closed down their parlour, she pulled out her phone from her pocket and opened up her text app.

_On my way_ , she wrote and smile all the way to her car and as she pulled away from the curb.

The drive to Bellamy’s place was short but as of late, Clarke found herself dreading every minute she spent at the lights or behind some slow driver. She’d been seeing Bellamy for almost six months now and it was still the craziest thing she’d ever done in her life—not just going home with a guy she only just met at a bar, but continuing to hook up with him for all this time and never even asking him for his surname.

But then again, that was the deal. She and Emori had only just opened their parlour and Madi had started her sophomore year of high school, so when Harper decided that Jasper was finally ready to babysit Jordan for the night, she dragged Monty away from their baby, Clarke away from her business and drove them all to the nearest bar for a night out. And then, there was Bellamy.

When Clarke first saw him, her knees nearly buckled at the sight of his broad shoulders, dark eyes and more freckles than she could ever count. He laughed at something one of his friends had said and ran a hand through his curls, and Harper all but pushed her out of their booth, having convinced Clarke to go and talk to the man.

They managed to establish that he was new in town, having moved for his new job and Clarke had a daughter waiting for her at home, before they agreed to go to his place for what was supposed to be one night of fun. Only when they woke up next morning, neither one of them wanted to part ways and they figured they might as well keep a good thing going, just as long as they kept it casual, seeing how neither one of them had the time to start a proper relationship.

But that was months ago. Before Clarke had the chance to experience how grumpy Bellamy could be before his morning coffee or how he had the most ridiculous sense of humour and how even though he rarely talked about himself, he was the sweetest, most caring nerd who missed the family and friends he left because of his move but loved what he was doing anyway, whatever that may be. Clarke might not have known some pretty major details about Bellamy but that didn’t stop her from, what she discovered with a somewhat startling realisation, falling for him just a little bit.

Clarke parked her car in front of Bellamy’s building and shook her head, hoping to settle the butterflies in her stomach. She took a deep breath, grabbed her purse and checked the rear-view mirror to see if her lipstick wasn’t smudged. She took the hairclip out and let her hair down for good measure, and finally got out of the car.

She punched the code for the front door and made the short walk to Bellamy’s flat, where she knocked on the door and leaned against the frame, waiting for him.

“Hi,” she said when Bellamy finally opened the door. Without a word, he pulled her in for a kiss, all but dragging her inside the flat. She gasped when his mouth travelled down her neck and he reached the sensitive spot t her pulse point, one of his hands tracing the magnolia branch tattoo up her arm to where it disappeared under the sleeve of her shirt. Clarke threw her arms around his shoulders when she felt his other hand sneak under her shirt and against her ribs, right where Emori put the exact copy of the first drawing Madi made for Clarke, that first night Clarke took her home after she’d been approved of a foster parent. She hadn’t told Bellamy the exact story of the design but it stood out enough against her other tattoos that he couldn’t help but ask. And ever since he found out how much it meant to her, he would sometimes touch it with that look on her face that Clarke couldn’t quite decipher but it always made her feel warm inside.

This time wasn’t any different. As soon as Clarke felt the rough pads of Bellamy’s calloused fingers against her skin, she shivered and pressed herself closer into his warmth. She found his mouth again and placed a soft kiss against the corner of his mouth, then took his lower lip between her teeth and smirked when he growled, the soft rumble reverberating even though her entire body.

“My daughter’s at a sleepover,” Clarke mumbled against his lips and she felt his fingers dig harder into her ribs. Bellamy kissed her again, hard and bruising, picked her up and barely waited her Clarke to wrap her legs around his hips before he was walking them towards his bedroom, turning her yelp into a full-bellied laughter, happy and carefree.

***

Clarke grabbed her wine glass and sat down on the couch next to Harper, the two of them chuckling as the listened through the baby monitor to Monty singing some very unfortunate and off-key version of a lullaby to Jordan.

The performance ended soon enough and Harper shifted from her son to her friend. There was a glimmer in her eye that made Clarke want to hide behind her glass.

“So, how’s it going?” Harper asked, nodding encouragingly.

“All’s well,” Clarke assured her with a smile. “We’re starting to get some regulars at the parlour already and believe it or not, Murphy is actually helping. Sometimes. Oh, and Madi made it into the volleyball team.”

“Uh huh, and?” Harper encouraged.

“And I don’t know, what else do you wanna know?”

“Something, anything!” Harper demanded and dropped onto the couch cushions. “I’m bored!”

Clarke’s eyebrows shot up.

“You know how they tell you that having a baby will take over your life that you don’t even know what day it is and that you’ll only ever get a chance to breathe when they’re sleeping? Well, that kid sleeps like 18 hours a day! And even when he’s awake, he barely even cries. Like, I genuinely thought there was something wrong with him but nope, apparently, he’s just—considerate, I guess. And remember when I learnt how to knit, so that I could make a onesie for him? I made five already. Five!” Harper ended her rant with a faceplant and that was all that Clarke could handle before she snorted loudly, put her glass of the coffee table and moved closed to Harper, knocking her shoulder against Harper’s.

Her friend lifted her hand off of her face and shot Clarke a doubtful look. “This must be like a sin, or bad karma—complaining that your baby is to well-behaved.”

Clarke chuckled and took Harper’s hand, giving her fingers a reassuring squeeze. Harper squeezed back and sighed. “I was so prepared for all that screaming and sleepless nights, and forgetting what my name was and Jordan is just perfect. And I think I’m kinda waiting for the other shoe to drop, still.” She dropped her head to Clarke’s shoulder and settled against her side. They sat like that for a while but the Harper huffed and straightened up.

“Okay, so I’m bored and on edge, I need something to take my mind off of it all for a while and live vicariously through you,” Harper instructed, stealing a sip from Clarke’s glass.

Clarke ran her fingers through her hair. “Do you remember that guy I met at Grounders a few months back?”

Harper nodded enthusiastically. “You mean that deep-voiced Adonis who’s making you blush every time I ask you about your dating life? Yeah, yeah, rings a bell.”

“Well, we have this arrangement. We don’t go out and we don’t talk about anything serious, so it’s all easy and casual, and no strings, right?” Clarke grabbed her glass and downed the rest of the wine for a little courage. “I think I’m starting to want some of those strings.”

“Shut. Up!” Harper exclaimed, slapping her hand over Clarke’s forearm, smiling like crazy.

“Oh, I could,” Clarke teased but withered under Harper’s glare. She shrugged one shoulder trying to feign nonchalance. “I think I’m starting to care, _really_ care.”

“And that’s a problem because?” Harper prodded.

“Because I don’t know anything about him!” Clarke threw her hands in the air. “We both insisted not to dig for details, so I seriously don’t even know his surname. Or what he does, or anything other than that he’s ticklish at the waist and sometimes, he gets woken up by his own snores.”

Harper looked at her with a soft expression and Clarke deflated. “I think I like him but—he could be a serial killer, or a bigot. Or he could have a wife and three kids back home,” she guessed, thinking about that little surprise her first serious boyfriend organised for her years ago.

“This might sound radical, but did you consider maybe asking him?” Harper proposed, not bending under the glare that Clarke sent her.

“That’s not what this is about, this is just—entertainment. He’s not interested in a relationship.”

“Again, did you ask? And before you tell me again how that’s what you agreed on in the beginning, that was months ago. You changed your mind, maybe he did, too. And maybe the only reason he hasn’t said anything is because he thinks you don’t want anything more?”

Clarke huffed and folded her arms on her chest. “You know, you’re no fun when you’re being logical and rational.”

Harper placed her hand over her heart with a dramatic flourish. “I’ve matured in my motherhood,” she said but she couldn’t hold the serious tone for long, the corners of her mouth twitching in amusement. And then she full on laughed when Clarke grabbed one of her decorative pillows and threw it at Harper’s head. Harper caught the pillow easily and then, they were both cackling.

***

Madi was sitting by the kitchen table when Clarke came back home one day, working on her project for art class. Clarke came up to her daughter, planted a noisy kiss on her temple and ruffled her hair. Only Madi didn’t grumble, like she usually did, or playfully pushed Clarke with her elbow. She just muttered a hello and went back to her project.

Clarke dropped to the chair next to Madi and put her hand on her shoulder, rubbing lightly. She knew that mood, she’d seen it enough in the early days, when the social workers came for visits and Madi was on pins and needles, expecting to be taken away at any moment.

“Baby, is everything okay?” Clarke asked and squeezed Madi’s shoulder when the girl shrugged. The silence stretched between them for a few moments, filled only by the sound of their breaths, until finally, Madi dropped her shoulders, put down her supplies and looked at Clarke.

“There’s this boy in my math class, Ethan,” she finally said, quietly. “He’s always been an asshole, to everyone, but now that we take math together, I’ve been beating him on every test we’ve had since the year started and he just got—really mean.”

Clarke stiffened. “Towards you?” Madi nodded and Clarke took a deep, angry breath. “Is he bullying you?”

Madi grimaced.

“Not really. I mean, he’s not scaring me or anything, he just—says things.”

“What things? What did he say?” Clarke’s voice was raised and her fingers curled into a fist.

“Just some bullshit about me being adopted, how nobody wanted me, except someone weirdo like you.” Madi was mumbling, not looking at Clarke, which might have been a good thing, seeing how Clarke could feel herself boiling with rage, her teeth clenched and cheeks flaming.

Clarke’s never been the most popular with any of Madi’s schools, the teachers, administrators and some of the other parents always looking down at her, judging her tattoos, colourful hair and piercing but none of them were ever as snobby and annoying as the staff of Sanctum Prep. But it was the best school in the district and up until now, Madi was enjoying it, so Clarke was willing to ignore those jabs and judgemental looks. But if the school was allowing for her daughter to be harassed—

“Did you—do your teachers know, did you tell anyone about it?”

“Yeah, I told my math teacher but Mrs. Sydney just said he was trying to get my attention cause he liked me,” Madi answered with a disgusted grimace. Clarke shook her head in anger and disappointment. Madi finally looked at her and added “I think my history teacher knows Ethan is being a dick, too, cause he’s like, watching us sometimes, like he’s waiting for something to happen but Ethan never does anything in front of him, so.” Madi shrugged again.

Clarke leaned back in her chair, landing hard against the back of it. She let out a long breath, trying to calm herself.

“And this has been going on for all those months?” she asked. Madi made a face in confirmation. Clarke took her daughter’s hand and Madi started rubbing her thumb against the bracelet tattoo around Clarke’s wrist—something she’d been doing when she was nervous, ever since Clarke got it. “Baby, do you want me to come to the school and talk to someone about it?”

“No, you don’t have to. He’s just gonna think he got to me and if they didn’t do anything to him for all the other kids he’s been messing with, he’s not gonna get into trouble now. He’s gonna get bored eventually, if he sees I’m not reacting.” Madi sighed. “I think I just want to deal with him myself.”

Clarke wrapped her arms around Madi and brought her in for a tight hug. “Honey, I’m so sorry about this.” She kissed the top of Madi’s head and tangled her fingers into Madi’s long hair. “Let me know if anything else happens, okay?”

Clarke pulled away, looking into Madi’s eyes. The girl nodded her head, the smallest of smiles blooming onto her face. Clarke returned the smile, fingers still brushing Madi’s hair. “My brave girl,” she said. “I love you so much.”

***

The next few weeks passed quickly and the situation with Ethan seemed to have died down a bit, according to Madi, the boy hadn’t escalated and kept his taunts to some generic crap that Madi didn’t even care about.

Which was why when Clarke saw the name _Sanctum Prep_ flashing on the face of her smart watch in the middle of a school day, she nearly dropped all her equipment onto the floor in her haste to get to her phone. She picked up on the last ring and froze dead in her tracks when she heard the dispassionate voice on the other side of the line telling her to come to the school because her daughter had been in a fight.

The drive to the school went by in a blink of an eye and before she knew, she was chasing down the corridor towards the principal’s office. Madi was sitting in one of the chairs by the door, her head down, face covered by the curtain of her hair. On the first glance, it seemed that she was okay but Clarke still didn’t calm down until she was crouched down in front of Madi, pushing the hair away from her face. Her heart broke in half when he saw the tears pooling in her daughter’s eyes.

“Sweetie, what happened?” she asked, out of breath. Madi sniffled, hands clasped in her lap.

“I punched Ethan,” she admitted. “We were in history and we were supposed to divide into groups for an assignment, and no-one wanted to be with him, cause he’s so awful to work with. He came up to me, looked at Hope and Gaia, and said that we were the rejects and freaks club, that we could only ever keep one parent around cause they drew the short straw.”

Clarke gasped and Madi paused in her story. She inhaled, sniffled again and shot Clarke a distressed look.

“He then said that you—that you probably made up the whole adoption story, that you didn’t even know who my dad was, so you lied and said you just found me, like a puppy. And I just—I lost it. I didn’t even realised what I did until he was wheezing and spitting blood on the floor.”

There were tears running down her face now. Clarke put her hands on Madi’s cheeks, thumbs rubbing the tears from under her eyes. She was so focused on her daughter who seemed to only just hold it together, that she didn’t even realise that someone had come up to them, not until they called out her name and Clarke felt her blood run cold when she recognised the voice.

***

“Clarke?”

Clarke’s head snapped sideways and she had to let go of Madi’s face to grab at the chair, so that she wouldn’t fall down. She scrambled up, her bag slipping off her shoulder and landing on the floor with a thump.

“Bellamy?!” she breathed, incredulous. “What are you—” she started to ask but cut herself off and took him in. He was wearing slacks and a light blue button down with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He had his hands in his pockets, his glasses sticking out of the breast pocket of his shirt and he looked just as lost as she felt.

“Mr. Blake?” Madi asked, leaning from behind Clarke, looking confused. “How do you know my mum?”

Clarke looked away from her daughter and back to Bellamy whose eyebrows were ready to completely disappear into his hairline. His eyes jumped between Clarke and Madi, and then back to Clarke again, he opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. Clarke cleared her throat and wanted to explain but before she had the chance, they were joined by Ether and his parents, the door to principal Diyoza’s office opened and they were all invited inside.

Unsurprisingly, Ethan claimed complete innocence and his parents insisted that their perfect little boy had never done anything wrong in his entire life, but they soon settled down under Diyoza’s sceptical gaze. Madi remained subdued the entire time, her hand clasped in Clarke’s the entire time. She only straightened up and perked up a little bit when Bellamy backed her up and confirmed that Ethan had taunted her and provoked her. Still, Diyoza was very adamant that she couldn’t just let that behaviour slide and Madi ended up with a three-day suspension, while Ethan was warned that his behaviour would be monitored from now on as well.

When they left the principal’s office, Ethan was swept away by his parents, his mother shooting Clarke murderous glares. Madi was still holding Clarke’s hand but she wasn’t staring at her shoes anymore, so Clarke was able to breathe a little easier now, too. Bellamy stayed behind, silent, but Clarke could feel his eyes at the back of her head and she knew that a conversation was coming.

Madi tugged at Clarke’s hand and they stopped in the hallway, facing each other.

“I’m sorry, Clarke,” she mumbled. “I didn’t mean to do that, I just, I didn’t think.”

“I know, honey,” Clarke assured her, pulling her in to place a soft kiss on her forehead. She tucked a stray tendril of hair behind Madi’s ear and smiled. “Hey, why don’t you go get your things and we can go home, huh?”

Madi walked away to her locker and when she rounded the corner and disappeared from view, Clarke turned around to finally face Bellamy. He was standing by the door to Diyoza’s office and his hair was an absolute mess. Clarke knew it was because he must’ve run his finger through his curls at least half a dozen times by now, it was a nervous gesture she picked up on months ago and while it used to be just something she noticed, it now hit her like a ton of bricks.

_Bellamy_ was there. The man she’d been sleeping with for more than half a year, who wasn’t supposed to be anything more than just an opportunity to have some fun was her daughter’s teacher. Clarke looked at him and for the life of her, she couldn’t reconcile this virtual stranger before her – this Mr. Blake, with the man she knew. The man she’d grown to care for.

The silence stretched between them for long enough to reach the awkward and uncomfortable stage and that was yet another thing she couldn’t quite wrap her head around. She and Bellamy had never once ran out of things to talk about. Granted, stimulating conversations were never high on their list of priorities and per their mutual agreement, they stayed from the heavy and personal topics but that only meant they had the chance to discover shared interests and compare hobbies.

This stillness between was as foreign to her as it seemed to be to Bellamy. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and crossed and uncrossed his arms just enough times for Clarke to realise that he didn’t know what to do with himself of this situation any more than she did.

Finally, Clarke put them both out of their misery when words tumbled out of her mouth, seemingly with very little input from her brain. “Thanks for your help,” she said and cringed at the stiff tone in her voice. She tried to amend it with a smile but even she could feel that it couldn’t have been very convincing. She sighed and dropped into one of the chairs in front of the principal’s office and deflated. “This could’ve gone so much worse for her.”

Encouraged by Clarke’s actions, Bellamy pulled out the roots he surely must’ve started growing into the flood and walked over to where she was sitting and took the chair to her right.

“It’s okay, no need to thank me,” he answered with a half-smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Clarke couldn’t really blame him. “The school’s got some anti-bullying policies but Ethan’s learnt how to stay under the radar. Madi didn’t deserve to be treated like the only guilty party, even if her response was—not perfect.”

“Yeah,” Clarke huffed a surprised laughter and buried her head in her hands, elbows digging into her knees. For a moment she couldn’t see Bellamy but she could still feel his warmth at her side and when his arm brushed against hers, she could’ve sworn that he was going to touch her but must’ve thought better of it because instead of the reassuring touch she longed for, she only felt the cold when he moved away from her instead.

It probably shouldn’t have stung as much as it did.

“Yeah, I honestly don’t know if I should be more angry that she chose violence to solve her problems or proud for standing up for herself,” she said, looking up and sideways, shooting Bellamy a quick glance.

He smiled again, something more real this time. “Who says you have to choose now. Or ever.”

“Should a teacher say that? _And_ to a parent of a kid suspended for fighting?” Clarke chuckled.

“Off the record, then.”

Clarke nodded with a small smile. She looked at him for a long moment then, took in the outfit, the glasses, the surroundings, and sighed. She sat up straight and let her head drop against the wall behind her.

“How—how have we never figured it out? I mean, I’ve come to the school this year a few times, how have we not, I don’t know, bumped into each other?”

Bellamy rubbed his forehead. “Well, I knew Madi was adopted, obviously, but she never called you anything but ‘my mum’,” Bellamy explained. Clarke’s heart swelled a little at that. Madi didn’t start calling her that until well after the adoption process was completed and Clarke long harboured the suspicion that the girl chose to keep that one last barrier between them out of fear that it was all just temporary and it took her a while to get used to the fact that Clarke wasn’t going anywhere. So now, every time Clarke heard Madi call her that, she couldn’t help but melt a little.

“Besides, it’s not like I could’ve recognised the surname,” Bellamy continued with a cocked eyebrow. Clarke hummed, conceding the point.

“So, now what?” he asked, voice purposefully light but he couldn’t hide the wariness. They both understood what he meant.

“Now,” Clarke exhaled. “Now I’m gonna take my daughter home,” she told him, looking him straight in the eye, a heavy tone of finality sneaking its way between them. They stayed like that for a moment longer, just one more moment before they’d have to accept that that their relationship had changed forever.

And then, Clarke got up from her seat without a word, swung her bag over her shoulder and walked away down the same corridor her daughter disappeared a while ago. She didn’t dare look back at what she’d left behind.

***

Clarke spent most of that evening staring at Bellamy's contact information on her phone. The first thing she did was remove that small heart eyes emoji she'd put next to his name when the exchanged numbers the morning after they met. Then, she deleted his name and replaced it with 'Mr. Blake', just to remind herself who he was supposed to be to her from now on, before deciding that she should probably just delete him from her phone altogether.

Only she couldn't quite bring herself to do it. No matter how complicated things had become and how hard she was trying to convince herself that it was the right choice to walk away, she was’t ready to let go of him yet, not completely.

For something that was supposed to be some simple fun, this was starting to feel a lot like a break up.

***

Over the next weekend, Harper was more than happy to utilise Madi’s desire to supplement her allowance and hired her to babysit Jordan, so that when Monty and Jasper left for some convention, she could drop by at Clarke’s with a bottle of wine in one hand, a pint of ice cream in the other and an exaggeratedly serious expression on her face.

Clarke greeted her with a snort but when her friend headed towards the tv without another word, she smiled. She followed Harper into the living room then and easily agreed to fetch the spoons and glasses while Harper scrolled Netflix for the most tear-inducing rom-com.

They managed to get through the whole movie—and nearly the entire bottle, before Harper turned to her with a raised eyebrow. Clarke settled against the back of the couch and feigned innocence until Harper finally broke.

“Dude, come on!” she exclaimed, shaking her head. “You called me three days ago saying that they guy you’ve been sleeping with is actually Madi’s teacher and what, that’s it?!”

“Seems like it,” Clarke answered with a shrug, which pulled out a frustrated grunt from Harper. They stayed quiet for a moment and Clarke lolled her head from side to side, inhaling a long breath.

“We met when I was called in to Madi’s school and he’s basically the reason why she hadn’t been expelled, and I only just stopped hearing this high-pitched ringing in my ears,” she explained, waving her hand next to her ear. Harper’s eyebrows shot up, an inquisitive look crawling onto her face.

“So, what did the two of you do about it?”

Clarke shrugged again. “Nothing.”

“What do you mean? What does he think about the situation?”

“I mean, I haven't talked to him.”

Harper put down her glass with a loud clang and slapped Clarke’s forearm. “Why not?! I thought you liked him?”

Clarke deflated with a groan. “Yeah, when he was just some guy I thought about asking out for a coffee—or a surname. But now he’s—now he’s that cool history teacher that Madi used to talk about sometimes, who knew how to make her pay attention in class, even though she doesn’t care about it very much. He’s grading her papers and giving homework, and what am I gonna do, invite him over for dinner so that we can make it extra awkward for her? Hide him for the rest of our lives?”

Harper smiled softly. “That’s ambitious.” Clarke sent her a flat glare.

“I only _just_ realized that I wanted to try something more, we were supposed to have the time to get to know each other, not have him drop into my life and so close to home. I have no idea what I’m supposed to think or feel now, how to behave.”

“Ah, you’re scared.”

“Of course I’m scared!” Clarke confirmed with a small whine. She took a sharp breath. “Madi is a sophomore, he’s going to be in her life for another two years. What if things go badly between us and he takes it out on her?”

Harper frowned. “Do you really think he’d do that?”

“That’s the thing, I don’t know! But I’m not going to use my daughter as a part of that experiment.”

“I think you do know that, and so does Madi.” Harper’s face softened. Clarke grumbled a little, chewing her lip, but couldn’t deny it. One of the reason why Clarke wanted to take things between them more seriously was because she believed Bellamy to be a truly good man, someone she could introduce to her daughter and maybe, one day make a part of their lives.

“Besides, hon, listen to how you talk about him—you’re thinking about futures, families, break-ups. And no matter what you’re telling yourself, you do know him and there’s at least a part of you, and not as small one as you might think, that already thinks you two are in a relationship.”

Clarke huffed. “Well, it doesn’t matter. I promised Madi that I won’t let anything happen to her. She’s already having a hard time at school, I’m not going to mess up her life any more for a non-relationship and a maybe.”

Harper put her hand around Clarke’s wrist and squeezed gently.

“Look, I get it. After Jordan was born, I had this moment of absolute clarity that there was nothing in this world that I wouldn’t for that kid. Last week, he ran into our cabinet, knocked half of our wedding china out onto the floor so it shattered into a million pieces and all I cared about was that the noise made him cry.” The both chuckled. Harper moved her head to the side. “Madi isn’t a child anymore, Clarke. Even if things between you and him don’t work out, I’m sure she’d understand and I don’t think she’d want to be the reason why you’re denying yourself something good—or used as an excuse for not taking a chance.”

Clarke looked away for a moment and blinked quickly to stop the moisture that suddenly came to her eyes. She swallowed around the ball that had formed in her throat. She wasn’t ready to look her friend in the eye, knowing that Harper would see that she was right, in part. Obviously, Madi was her priority but she was also the reason why Clarke was even out and open to meet someone that night when she met Bellamy. Madi had been trying to convince Clarke for a while that she was old enough to be left alone more often and that Clarke could use that time to find someone who she could talk to about something else than homecoming dance or diapers.

Finally, Clarke turned back to Harper and sighed. Harper patted her wrist and moved away to pour the rest of the wine into their glasses. She gave one to Clarke and pursed her lips.

“What are you gonna do now?” Harper asked

Clarke sighed again, louder and longer. “You know, you're the second person to ask me that recently and I still don't know. “

***

Couple of weeks passed since Madi’s suspension and while she still felt like she could feel her principal’s eyes at the back of her head, she also claimed that things got significantly better. Ethan was still looking at her with a mean glint and Madi knew he was still talking bullshit to his buddies but at least he left her alone and didn’t dare to come near her. Whether he was afraid of her fists or whatever principal Diyoza threatened him with, she didn’t care, as long as he stayed away. 

That afternoon, Madi needed help bringing some of the parts for her science project home and Clarke didn’t even think about it when she promised to give her a hand. Which is why when they rounded a corner and she found herself face-to-face with Bellamy for the first time in weeks, she stopped dead in her tracks and nearly dropped everything she was holding. 

They both fumbled through their hellos and how-do-you-dos until Madi interrupted their blubbering by telling Clarke to hurry up. She looked between the two of them with a confused and unimpressed expression and it remained on her face when they packed her thing into the car and left for home. She stayed uncharacteristically quiet for a handful of intersections, looking out of her window but hallway there, Madi looked at Clarke, eyebrows scrunched up.

“That was him, wasn’t it?” she asked and looked down at her lap, where she was wringing her hands. “The guy you’ve been dating, it’s Mr. Blake, isn’t it?”

“How do you even—?” Clarke’s mouth dropped open and she didn’t take her eyes off of the side of her daughter’s head until she heard the blare of a car horn behind her. She pulled away from the lights and in the corner of her eye, she saw Madi shoot her a glance.

“You and aunt Harper have a, umm, volume issue, when you drink. I could hear you sometimes,” Madi explained and Clarke felt her face going red in embarrassment. “I always put my headphones on when you would start talking about, err, you know.” Madi shook her head, scrunching up her face and Clarke wished for the road to open up and swallow her whole.

“Yeah, I didn’t listen in or anything but I figured some things out,” Madi finished with a dismissive wave of her hand but the move seemed stilted. Clarke stayed quiet, not knowing what to say or even if she was able to say anything coherent at the moment.

“You miss him, don’t you?” Madi asked after a few minutes of heavy silence. Clarke’s fingers tightened on the gear lever and she took a deep breath.

“I—We weren’t—“ Clarke trailed off, unsure how to explain the situation without going over the details of her relationship with Bellamy.

“Clarke, come on,” Madi huffed “I’m not a kid anymore. I know you were having—” she cleared her throat. “That you two were, you know.”

Clarke smiled unexpectedly. For all her bravado, even Madi seemed to have finally hit something really awkward about the conversation. She looked at her sideways, eyebrows raised in question. Clarke pulled out of the traffic and into a parking space at the side of the road. She killed the engine, twisted in her seat so she could face Madi better and started to play with a loose thread from her jeans.

“You’re right,” Clarke finally admitted, her shoulders dropping ever so much. Hiding any relationship from Madi felt uncomfortable but now that she knew who Bellamy was, hiding from Madi that she’d been sleeping with her teacher was killing Clarke, especially since her daughter could definitely tell that something was up. Finally getting it all out in the open, cringe-worthy as it was, felt good.

“Mr. Blake and I, _Bellamy_ , have been seeing each other for a few months, yes. But I didn’t know that he was your teacher, I promise.”

Madi nodded. “Did you break up because of me?” she asked, a small frown on her face. Clarke wanted more than anything to reassure her that it had nothing to do with her but this was the moment of truth.

“Kind of, I guess,” Clarke confirmed. “But Bellamy and I weren’t exactly dating so there wasn’t really a break up, we just fell out of touch.”

“Because of me.”

“Because I didn’t want to put you in an uncomfortable position.” Clarke took Madi’s hand and wrapped her fingers tightly around her daughter’s. “Sweetie, you’re more important to me than anything else.”

“I know,” Madi huffed with a small eye roll. “But you can care about someone else, too.”

Madi shuffled in her seat and looked at Clarke with a serious expression. She narrowed her eyes for a moment, thinking something through. “I wanna be an engineer. Don’t know what I wanna do _exactly_ but I’m gonna be taking more science classes next year,” Madi said, making Clarke frown, not quite sure what that had to do with anything.

“Mr. Blake only has AP history classes in junior and senior year which I won’t be taking, so a few months from now, he’s not gonna be teaching me anymore.”

Clarke gasped lightly, surprised. “What are you saying?” she asked, searching her daughter’s face.

Madi turned her hand around in Clarke’s and squeezed her fingers. “I’m trying to tell you that if the only reason you’ve broken things off with Mr. Blake was because he was my teacher, then you don’t have to worry about that anymore. About me.”

Madi smiled lightly, running her fingers against Clarke’s bracelet tattoo. “You were happy with him. Or, I mean, you seemed happy. You were smiling like I’ve never seen you do before. And I want you to be happy.”

Clarke blinked a few times, willing the tears away. She took her empty arm and put it around Madi’s shoulders, pulling her into a hug. “Oh, baby,” she whispered into Madi’s hair. They stayed like that for a while until finally, Madi pulled away, an uncertain smile on her face.

“Can we go home now? I’m hungry,” she asked, resting her chin on Clarke’s shoulder. Clarke chuckled, turned her head and planted a loud kiss on Madi’s cheek. Finally, they both settled back into their seats and Clarke drove away, somehow feeling lighter than she had in days.

***

Later that evening, Clarke opened up her text thread with Bellamy and then froze for long enough that her screen turned dark again. She tapped the screen and it lit up again. She took a deep breath and tapped out a quick message.

_meet me tomorrow @ grounders? 8pm_ she asked and hit send before she could think better of it.

For almost half an hour, there was no reply and Clarke started to second guess everything about this idea. What if he wasn’t home, catching up on tv like he usually did during the week? Or worse, what if he had company? Clarke didn’t call him in weeks because she was going through her own personal rollercoaster but he didn’t contact her, either.

What if she was mistaken about their connection and upon losing one fuck buddy, Bellamy just moved on and found himself a new one? Clarke took a few calming breaths and nearly jumped when her phone finally pinged with an incoming message. But when she saw that Bellamy agreed to the meeting with a short _ok_ , she wasn’t sure what to think. Happy as she was that he said yes, it wasn’t like him to be this succinct in his texting. Her heart sunk just a little bit at the thought that maybe he just wanted to see her, so he could tell her to leave him alone.

No. No, Clarke decided. No matter what, this was a good thing. At least she’d know where they stood.

***

Next day, Clarke arrived at Grounders fifteen minutes before the agreed hour, ready to jerk in her seat every time the door opened but apparently, Bellamy had the same idea. When she came inside, he was already sitting in a booth at the back, fingers drumming against the side of his glass of soda. It was his head that snapped up when the door closed behind her. He got to his feet, almost knocking the glass over. While he busied himself with catching the glass and wiping at the few overflown drops with his fingers, Clarke made her way to the booth and took the seat opposite of Bellamy.

“Hi,” she greeted him with a small smile and she could more see than hear his answering hoarse half-whisper but she still felt a tiny chill running down her spine at the sound of his voice.

Clarke cleared her throat and inhaled loudly but before she said anything, Bellamy took her hand in his. She flinched in surprise, which Bellamy must’ve take for rejection because he withdrew his hand quickly with a mumbled apology.

“No, no.” Clarke stopped him with a shake of her head. He frowned in confusion but his hand stopped in the middle of the table. When Clarke wrapped her fingers around his though, his expression cleared and Clarke was treated with that bashful smile she loved so much.

“I’m sorry,” she finally said and she could feel his fingers twitch a little. “I shouldn’t have—uh, I don’t know.” She rubber her forehead. “I didn’t even know how to react when I saw you at Madi’s school, or what to do later.”

“Neither did I,” Bellamy admitted with a huff. “When you said you had a daughter, I expected preschool, not my history class.”

Clarke hummed in agreement. Their intertwined hands still between them, she couldn’t help but think how much she missed the warmth of his touch. She ran her fingers over his knuckles and in turned, he traced the ring of tiny flowers tattooed around her thumb.

“I missed you,” Clarke confessed, not daring to took up from their hands. “I know that we weren’t like that but—“

“I missed you, too,” Bellamy cut in and now, she finally looked up. His face was so open and vulnerable, Clarke had to stop herself from climbing over the table and into his lap. “But I can’t, I don’t want to go back to how things were.” She must’ve frowned or something, because Bellamy’s eyes softened impossibly more and he smiled the gentlest of smiles. “I was going to ask you out, before.”

Clarke laughed then, one short gasp before she slapped her free hand over her mouth. Then, she moved it to their joined two and only then was she able to hide his palm fully. “So was I,” she said, grinning.

Bellamy’s free hand travelled to the back of his head and he rubbed at his neck while a faint blush coloured his cheeks. “What about, umm, what about Madi?” he asked and Clarke’s heart swelled even more.

“Gave us her blessing,” Clarke informed him and they both smiled widely, probably looking like idiots.

Clarke let go of his hand and leaned back in her chair.

“Okay, how about we start over?” she proposed. “My name is Clarke Griffin, I’m a tattoo artist and I have a sixteen-year-old daughter who’s gonna focus on her science classes next year and will only take basic history.”

Bellamy grinned at her and ran his hand through his hair.

“Hello Clarke, my name is Bellamy Blake. I only teach AP history in junior and senior year. Would you like to get a drink?”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked this! thank you so very much for reading. comments and kudos will be welcomed like manna ;-)  
> come and find me on tumblr @[carrieeve](https://carrieeve.tumblr.com).


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